Updated: May 23
How To Reconcile With Rejection
My New Year's Resolution: I'm going to better cope with rejection.
Why? Because the thing I absolutely fear the most is rejection.
I’m not sure what caused this fear. It probably has something to do with my childhood. That’s what the professionals say in their blank, white-walled, depressing offices that smell like lavender, right? It all derives from something in our past. And for most of us, the past is our youth.
We learn all kinds of things when we are young. We learn that if we scream in a class, we will get in trouble. We learn that if we eat poorly, we will grow fat. We learn that if we don’t have friends, we will be lonely. We learn the rules of institution and the rules of society. Most of all, we learn what hurts us.
Call it what you will: vulnerability, repudiation, devaluation, spurn, extirpation, desertion, or whatever you please. All of these really come down to one word: Rejection.
According to goodtherapy.com, rejection is “the act of pushing someone or something away.” Personally, this definition does not accurately describe how this word makes me feel. So I’ve made up my own definition. A more emotional, detailed, and relatable definition.
According to goodtherapy.com, rejection is “the act of pushing someone or something away.”
According to purelypastiche.com (a.k.a. yours truly), rejection is “to be quickly and impulsively dismissed, cancelled, blocked, and/or removed by an individual or group that matters.” (This seems like a more modern definition, does it not?).
Rejection is "to be quickly and impulsively dismissed, cancelled, blocked, and/or removed by an individual or group that matters." - AK, purelypastiche.com.
If this resonates with you, read on.
I'm going to focus on “the tragedy of rejection.” I plan on doing an entire series on it- post by post. For the past few years, I’ve been wrestling, associating, bargaining, and flirting with rejection. The consequence of this behavior was hurtful. It was crushing. Honestly, it was almost emotionally-numbing. It has become clear to me that this is a subject I have a lot to say about. In all seriousness, I probably have enough experiences with rejection to fill an entire self-help book. Books take time though, and the increasing need for help doesn’t halt for anyone. The quickest way to fulfill this need for help is by writing an easily accessible series. It will be so easily accessible, you’ll be able to read it on your phone. Thanks be to God for wifi, cell service, and the world-wide-web!
In this series, I’m going to tell you how I’ve navigated the tragedy of rejection. I cannot promise you that this is going to be easy. I cannot promise you that you will walk away and never be rejected again. All I can promise you is that through this series, you will learn how to do 3 things:
1. Identify rejection and the situations that create it.
2. Cope with rejection in a way that is remedial for the long-term rather than soothing for the short-term.
3. Assert your identity to renounce insecurity.
Consider this my kick-off to the rejection series. I'm so excited to help you. Rejection hurts, and without proper confrontation it can turn us against ourselves. This is the enemy's most powerful tool. If he can make us think we are someone we are not, he wins. We cannot possibly lead others to identity in Christ if our own identity has been compromised. Rejection compromises who we are. It does this exceptionally well when it hurts so bad that it's hard to breathe. I am not going to allow this to happen to you. The enemy's shaking right now as I hit publish. I'm certain he's screaming bloody hellfire that you're reading this. Rejection will no longer claim authority over you.
I can't wait to see you win.
That being said, let’s close this New Year’s Resolution party with a bible verse:
“His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” - Psalms 147:10-11 NIV
All the peace,