The unpleasant sound of post-nasal drip and weak coughing caught the barista off-guard.
Sniffle. Swallow. Sniffle. "Can I get a-a-a Matcha, green tea frappuccino?" a girl with a pink face mask and red, tear-stained eyes choked.
"Yes," the barista said sadly. She looked at the girl. So much sadness in one face... So much for a face half-covered with a mask. As the girl looked up and made eye contact with her, she sighed sympathetically. "Would you like whip-cream on that too?"
Sniffle. "Yes," sniffle. "Please," The girl exhaled. Her forehead was purging with hives from crying.
That girl was me.
Pre-Starbucks:
If you've read my post about doctor's appointments, you already know that the doctor scares the life out of me. I get so much anxiety, I keel over. This past week, I had to get a medical exam. It doesn't sound too bad since I'm being vague. But trust me- it was bad. The exam is done while the patient is fully awake. I've gone in 3 times for the purpose of this exam, and, like they say, third times a charm. There were tears. Oh, there were lots of tears. And when it was over, I wanted to lock myself inside of a cottage on a beach on a private island with no cell service, no human interaction, a shelf full of books, plenty of iced coffee and margherita pizzas, a paddleboard, and a camera.
Give me a month of my self-conducted marooning, and I PROMISE I'll be back to normal.
Unfortunately, this isn't reality.
Reality is I had to go endure the exam the day before my midterm exams. My anxiety about the medical exam made any type of studying for midterms utterly ineffectual. Even though I studied for the week before like a nerd, I failed it.
So therefore, I failed. I failed and was quickly dismissed by the horrifying 62/100 that illuminated from the computer screen.
Imagine being rejected by a midterm. (*raises hand* "I can, reader!").
As if things couldn't get worse than the traumatizing medical exam and failed midterm, I got a text saying that my driver's license was on suspension.
For those of you who don't have autoimmune disorders, you have it so nice. We narcoleptics get this fun letter in the mail once a year that basically says, "Congratulations! You have narcolepsy. This is your local DMV! Since you have a sleep disorder, we need yet ANOTHER letter from your doctor permitting you to drive. If your doctor doesn't send it, do us a favor and shred your license for us. Oh, and, in the meantime, your license is on suspension. Yah, we know it takes about a month or two for our office to process letters, but good thing there's Ubers!"
So now I was rejected by my state. Without any tickets, warnings, infractions, violations, misdemeanors, or felonies on my record, I was determined "ineligible" for driving. At least until my doctor sent a statement saying otherwise.
This didn't help the whole "I-failed-my-Midterm-and-almost-fainted-during-a-medical-exam" thing I had going. Neither did the boy who cancelled our plans because he had other obligations. Yah... That rejection really didn't help soothe the other two.
I cried.
The Bible clearly tells us to go to God when we are feeling weighty and burdened (Matthew 11:28), so I did. I prayed. My tears didn't stop. Can you relate?
The tears kept coming.
Until I realized SOMETHING.
My purpose in life is not to be rejected. It's to be subjected, so that I will learn resiliency in the face of trial and pain. And after being subjected again and again, I will have resistance and dependence on God.
(Those are probably the only terms I did remember for my midterm, guys!)
THE RRR Theory
No, not ER-R by Lil Yachty. RRR as in Rejection, Resiliency, Resistance. Resiliency (at least in ENS 110), is the ability to recover from an impact or stress. Resistance is the ability to withstand an impact or stress. These two concepts are CRUCIAL to outlasting the frostbite of rejection.
Resilience is interchangeable with these terms: perseverance. Steadfastness. Endurance.
"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." - Hebrews 10:36
"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." - James 1:12
"And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus." - Hebrews 12:1-2
Rejection isn't a loop. It's a form of subjection. If we aren't subjected to rejection, how can we learn resiliency and resistance? How can we learn resiliency and resistance through God's word, through His calls to perseverance, steadfastness, and endurance without rejection? The majority of us can't. I can't.
Rejection can be REVERSED and rejected with resiliency and resistance that is God-given. We should be forever thankful that these two things, and so many more, are God-given.
Don't give up yet.
All the peace,
AK.