"My patience is purely conditional."
(That's something you probably don’t hear very often).
“Are you patient?” someone asks. Then you either laugh out a no or nod a yes. If you’re normal, this is you. It’s pretty universal that the answer to this question is one word. Yet we both know that I’m not normal.
My "Purely Conditional Patience"
I can wait in a drive-thru at Starbucks for an hour easily without my brows furrowing down the middle. I can play standoff with my nanny kids for over 30 minutes at the park without snapping. I can wait in the line at TestTrack for 2 hours without rolling my eyes. Patience that lacks desire is my profession.
Yet when it comes to waiting on a brand collaboration, you can bet that I’m spamming the secretary’s inbox with emails. A boy who leaves me on delivered for 5 hours gets cancelled because he didn’t convenience me. 5 minutes after taking my meds, I watch the clock and wait for the internal “click!” of energy. Patience that is a byproduct of desire? Not my profession.
Being still, calm, collected, and patient are not easy. It’s much easier to move forward full-throttle when things don’t seem to be working out.
Unconditional Patience, the Opposite of Peace, and the Vaccine for GAD-GEN-Z
Patience is necessary to overcoming anxiety. It's a fundamental compound in the vaccine for the GAD-GEN Z virus. The other compound of this antibiotic is peace.
The opposite of anxiety is peace. Peace and patience coexist. It’s very hard to have one without having the other. If I’m feeling peaceful, there’s a very good chance I’m going to be patient.
Peace is hard because it’s so, so vulnerable. It’s so easy to get defensive in the presence of peace because it feels so foreign. I know from personal experience that it’s hard to trust something that feels too good to be true. It’s even harder to trust something so melting and relieving.
My big was listening to a podcast that used an analogy that featured having a “heart of wax” versus a “heart of clay.” Clay is a popular metaphor in the Christian faith. The ability to compare ourselves to something that can be molded and shaped is very comforting to anyone- Christian or not. But when brought into daylight, clay hardens and easily shatters. It’s no longer moldable. I’ve been hardened and shattered… You have too. It gets tiring.
This is why I like the “heart of wax” metaphor. The metaphor goes in saying that we can either have a “heart of wax” or a “heart of clay.” Like clay, wax it can be molded and shaped. Unlike clay, wax melts when it is brought into the daylight. I love the idea of having a heart of wax.
When wax melts, it can be reshaped, purified, reused, and molded into something new. Sitting in the presence of peace can harden your heart or melt it. No wonder churches are filled with candles.
You can choose to have a heart of wax or a heart of clay.
A heart of wax is painful. No one ever said it was painless. Think of the wicked witch of the West- she screamed when she was melting. (I know, I know… Not what you wanted or needed to hear. But keep in mind that she probably didn’t want to melt. She would rather be made of clay. People as conniving and toxic as her usually want to stay in suffering…)
You can choose to have a heart of wax or a heart of clay.
When we are melted, we are softened. The pain eases away. The suffering subsides and our shoulders sink back into their pockets. The momentary transition from anxiety to peace is scalding, but so worth it. Melting away the anxiety and reshaping it into peace is life-changing.
After all,
“Those who plan peace have joy.” - Proverbs 12:20
“The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.” - Psalm 29:11
“Letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.” - Romans 8:6
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” - Ephesians 4:3
This is how we conquer anxiety. By replacing it with something better- peace. Patience must be our desire. Not the product of it, but the quality itself and the peace that is found in it. We must have hearts of wax to become melted and purified of anxiety. We must desire peace.
All the peace,
AK.